To Turn Again
by MandaLou
Summary: A young woman turns Jack McCoy's life upside down.
1. Chapter 1

**Standard Disclaimer: With the exception of Eliot Bennet-I don't own 'em! I just love 'em!**

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_**Redeem  
The time.**__** Redeem  
The unread vision in the higher dream**_

_**-T.S. Eliot, Ash Wednesday**_

To Turn Again

As he sat in his office Jack McCoy didn't know how things had gone so awry. An hour earlier his life was on a comfortable, albeit predictable track. He was enjoying the life of NYC District Attorney. Of course there were the things he had to learn to tolerate, press conferences, cocktail parties, etc. But an hour ago his life took an unexpected detour.

It was a normal Tuesday morning he, his EADA Michael Cutter, and ADA Connie Rubirosa were headed out of One Hogan Place for a meeting. A young woman in her late twenties approached them. She introduced herself as Eliot Bennett, the daughter of a former colleague, Caroline. She looked very much like her mother as Jack recalled-same petite frame, same long wavy brown hair, even the same smile, but her eyes weren't her mother's sea green; they were much darker. Eliot explained that she'd been trying to get an appointment with Jack.

"As it turns out it's quite difficult to get a meeting with the District Attorney," she said with a nervous chuckle.

Being in a hurry to make his meeting Jack made quick arrangements for them to meet that afternoon in his office. As he walked away he knew that he'd made the appointment mainly because she was so attractive. He chuckled to himself.

_Stupid, old man. Old habits…_

Eliot arrived right on time. She couldn't believe she was actually doing this, but she had every right. She just had to keep telling herself that and try not to chicken out.

_Be strong._

After exchanging pleasantries Jack asked after her mother. Eliot hated this part. For what seemed the hundredth time in three months Eliot recounted to him the story of her mother's passing.

"Ovarian cancer. It was very quick," she said as if to console him-a habit she'd picked up. "She was diagnosed in mid-January. There wasn't much they could do. But we had more good days than bad-so we were blessed."

Jack was taken by surprise at the news.

"I'm sorry. I haven't seen Caroline in a lot of years. She was a good person. I'm sorry she's gone."

Caroline had been a fellow prosecutor with Jack in the early years. She was a good attorney. Brains and beauty-just Jack's type. She'd left the DA's office to teach at NYU. Or was it Columbia? He remembered being surprised when she'd left. There was no warning-one day she was a legal ace on her way up the ladder and the next she was gone. He'd always wondered if she'd stayed…

"I think you're my father."

This jolted McCoy out of his reminiscing. "I'm sorry? You what?!"

"Or at least my mom did."

Jack's head was swimming with questions, but all he could seem to manage was a quizzical look of shock. He was at a loss for words-a situation the DA rarely found himself in.

Sensing his confusion Eliot began telling him about herself. She grew up the only child of Caroline, a single mother. Caroline never told her who her father was except to say he was a man with whom she'd had a brief fling and nothing more. Eliot had always assumed the news of her mother's pregnancy was an unwelcome surprise and she'd decided to raise her on her own. After she died Eliot began the dreaded process of cleaning out some of her mother's things. A few weeks ago she came across some letters in her mother's office. She pulled a bundle of a dozen or so letters wrapped in a satin green ribbon from her bag and handed them to Jack. To his surprise they were all addressed to him. Some even had stamps on them.

"The, uh… the earliest one was written on the day I was born-August of '80. Then," she took a deep breath, "a few here and there over the years. The last one was written the day before she died."

She watched this stranger-her father as he took in everything she said.

He absently thumbed through the bundle stopping on the most tattered one. Not surprisingly it was the oldest. It looked as if it had been read and reread many times. What were the chances? Jack did the math silently.

_Of course it's possible, you dick. I couldn't keep it in my pants in those days!_

Brief! Brief was an understatement. It was four, five times maybe over a couple of months. He didn't have time for much more in those days, neither one of them did. But he could barely be bothered to be a father to Rebecca then let alone-that's even if this story is true. Jack suddenly began to take the offensive and the air in the room proved it.

"Look, Eliot, what is it you want? I mean, that was a long time ago and…"

The look of confusion on her face began turning to one of hurt. Now that was a look Jack knew all too well. Women seemed to wear it often around him.

"What I'm trying to say is: We both, your mother and I, had several 'brief flings' if I remember correctly."

_God, I'm an ass._

"Look, Mr. McCoy, I don't _want_ anything from you. I don't _need_ anything from you. I have a good job; my mom's brownstone is paid off. Hell! My student loans are even paid off!" she was visibly shaken, but held her composure impressively.

"Ok, listen, all my life it's been just me and my mom. And it was great! Over the years there were some long term boyfriends, but for the most part it was just us. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm very well-adjusted." she chuckled lightly. "But when mom died, I realized, I... I'm all alone." she chuckled again, nervously this time. "My grandparents died years ago and mom was an only child, so no aunts or uncles or cousins. And then I found those letters and-believe me, I'd rarely given my father a second thought, but…" her voice wavered and she shrugged, "Can you appreciate how alienating is to be all alone in the world?"

Jack said nothing.

_Stupid! Stupid girl! Why would I come here and subject myself to this jerk. I'm better off alone…_

Eliot got up and gathered her things.

"This was a mistake. I'm sorry to have bothered you," she said as she headed towards the door.

"Eliot, can you give me a day with these?" holding up the letters. "So I can get my head around things?"

"Yeah, sure."

Reaching into her bag she produced a card and handed it to him.

"You can reach me on my cell."

"If you want…" she added as she left the office.

_I won't hold my breath..._

Jack studied the card:

Eliot Bennett-Addiction Counselor  
Arms Acres, Brooklyn

_So what's next McCoy? _

"Hm… that's a good question."


	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter 2

Three weeks. It had been three weeks since Eliot Bennett had met and told Jack McCoy that he was her father. In those three weeks her life had been no different than before. She hadn't heard from him and her stubborn pride wouldn't dare allow her to call him. So she decided to put the whole thing out of her head. Besides, she had more important things to concentrate on than Jack McCoy. Imagine her surprise when she found the DA on her stoop early Saturday morning.

"Going for a run?" he said appraising her attire. She nodded. "Can I buy you breakfast first?"

His smile was kind and as much as she wanted to be cruel and cold she couldn't . This was an impossible situation and it wasn't his fault. But it wasn't her fault either. They walked silently to a coffee shop around the corner. Once they were seated in a booth Eliot decided to break the awkward silence.

"So, Mr. McCoy, what is it you want?"

_Don't be a smart ass El-not his fault, remember?_

He'd said those exact words to her three weeks ago. Jack had to smile at her cleverness. She certainly was her mother's daughter.

"I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. It's not everyday you find out you're a father thirty years after the fact."

"That is assuming you _are _my father, right?"

_Stop it! He's trying._

"I'm sorry. I'm not usually this combative."

"No need to apologize. How about we take this slowly? Get to know one another and we can tackle the big stuff a little later. Hm?"

Eliot sighed in relief, "OK."

Jack liked this girl. He could tell already. Over eggs, turkey bacon, and coffee Jack and Eliot played 20 questions. Not a difficult task for a seasoned prosecutor such as himself and as he soon found out Eliot could hold her own against him.

Jack began, "So Arms Acres? How long have you been there?"

"Not long… just a couple of months. I've been a counselor for about three years, though. I haven't lived here in the city since I was 17. I just moved back when mom got sick," she added between bites.

"Oh? Where've you been living?"

"Chicago," she replied. Jack nearly choked on his hash browns.

"Really... how'd that come about?"

Eliot told Jack about the summer her mother took her to Chicago. Caroline had a series of lectures to give at the University of Chicago and she took her along. They spent their days exploring the city, going to the museums and ball games, visiting Lake Michigan. She was ten and she couldn't have imagined a more perfect place.

"I just fell in love with the city," she shrugged. "To this day I still get chills when I come out of the tunnels and see the green grass of Wrigley Field."

Eliot looked up from her daydream to see Jack smiling with a twinkle in his eyes. She was suddenly self-conscious and her cheeks blushed with embarrassment.

"Have you ever been?" taking a sip of coffee, trying to calm her nerves.

"Oh yes. I grew up in Chicago. I know exactly what you mean."

The more Jack got to know Eliot the more connected he felt to her. It was amazing, really. She reminded him of her mother that was for certain. But every now and then she'd smile a particular way or raised an eyebrow and he'd see himself or even Rebecca. And once she laughed and if he'd had his eyes closed he would have swore his mother was sitting across from him.

_You're crazy, McCoy! You don't know this girl from Eve. It's psychological-like a placebo effect. Get a hold of yourself!!_

Eliot's turn, "So you're from Chicago. Are you married? Kids?"

The idea of a jealous family hadn't thrilled Eliot since finding her father became an option. But she figured it was something she'd just have to deal with.

Jack told Eliot that he'd been married and divorced twice. Chalking up both divorces to his demanding work schedule. He told her that he had a daughter Rebecca and that she lived on the west coast.

_A sister. I have a sister. I can't believe this is happening._

After a few minutes it became obvious that Jack was much better at asking questions that he was answering them. Not that he wasn't forthcoming, more his answers were short and to the point with very little elaboration. Eliot understood. He wasn't the one trying to prove himself here. It was enough for her. She hadn't realized how much she longed for his companionship and approval. She wanted him to know her, to know that all her intentions were pure and that all she really wanted was to know her father. So, she was an open book for him.

When Eliot asked about Jack's upbringing, again she got the short version. The only son of a Chicago beat cop and a homemaker. She could tell there was more. Part of being a counselor was reading people and she was good at her job. When he spoke of his mother he smiled and his eyes gleamed. She could tell he loved her very much. On the other hand when he spoke of his father there was a coldness, a detachment. It was as if he were reciting facts rather than memories. There was love there, but it seemed to be buried, deep. He told her about his sister who was three years his junior. She still lived in Chicago. She'd been married to a butcher for almost forty years. They have four children and 7 grandchildren and own their own butcher shop.

Jack hated all this family stuff. He was torn. He wanted her to know, but just wished he didn't have to be the one to tell her. There was so much regret where they were concerned. He hated that he didn't see his sister as much as he should. He hated to remember leaving them when he left for college. He was close, but still not there every night when his father may or may not be on a rampage. When he left for New York he wished he'd packed them up and took them with him. Left that bastard and all of those awful memories behind them.

Obviously wanting to change the subject Jack asked, "So why addiction counseling? What made you go to school for that?" as he wiped his mouth and pushed away his plate.

Now they were entering an area _she_ wanted to avoid.

_Remember you're an open book. There is nothing wrong with the truth._

"Well I didn't go to school for that, at least not at first," she was trying to ease into the subject.

"Oh?"

"I have a B.S. from Northwestern," she started. Jack's eyebrows raised at the mention of his alma mater. "And a JDS from the University of Chicago Law School." She smiled at the noticeable surprise in Jack's face.

"So you're an attorney?"

"Yeah.. I worked as a public defender for the state of Illinois for two years."

"And the law didn't fit you?"

"Well," she chuckled nervously, "after I got sober, I just felt like I wanted to help others in their process."

_There! You did. You said it. Oh god, what's that look on his face? What's he thinking? Relax. Breath._

Jack felt like he'd just been kicked in the gut. His head spun and he was positive all the blood had just ran from his face.

_Keep it together, old man. _

"Sober?"

"Yeah. I'm an alcoholic." Eliot was used to people being a little shocked when they found this out, but Jack seemed especially shaken by her disclosure. "I was what's called a high functioning alcoholic for a number of years. But now I'm just another drunk that doesn't drink." She smiled trying to ease the tension of the situation. It didn't work. "Is everything ok?"

_Yeah, sure. He's great. Hey, you've got a long lost daughter! Hey, she's a drunk! Good times…._

Jack was overcome with emotion. He started to tell her everything was ok when he felt the need just tell her everything. So for the first time that day Jack truly opened up to Eliot. He told her about his own drinking. How he'd always told himself it wasn't a problem and how one day it indirectly caused the death of someone very close to him. Then he told her about his withdraw into the bottle and the fog that was the next two years. Before he knew it Jack was telling her about his father's drinking and even alluded to the beatings he often received. He didn't know why he felt the need to tell her. It was almost like he was coming clean, like all the bad things in her life were somehow his fault and she needed to know. He knew that wasn't rational, but that's how he felt.

"Thank you. Telling me that, it means a lot."

"You're welcome. I guess I owe you that much."

"You don't owe me anything…"

They sat there in silence for awhile each other's presence enough for the time being. Eliot never being one to let reticence sit too long and relying infinitely too much on levity finally spoke.

"So.. maybe we can work on our 'daddy issues' together?" She smiled and shrugged.

Yep, Jack definitely liked this girl.


End file.
